alcoholicsanonymous

I am currently looking for a job and so is my husband, the deal was that
whoever gets a firm job offer the other will then concentrate only in that
geographical area. I do have more letters behind my name so assumed I would
get offered a job first in some exotic or dangerous place and we would have
an adventure. It seems he will be offered a job first and it is local and I
feel as though I have lost some sort of non existent competition. I am
confused, not wanting a drink but eager to learn what is going on in me.
I think.... that the thing that must be wrong is my thinking and that leads
to my feeling of failure which is only something that I have made up.
How have I behaved? Maybe I am awkward. One agency told me that it would be
difficult to place me as in her words " I have morals"  (I didn't have them
when I was drinking) because I wont work in a certain industry.
Now I feel not so great and I want to learn is what comes first for me and
others?
I hate the chicken and egg argument (I am on the side of the egg came first)
but thinking has to come before behavior and feelings doesn't it?
Which means I only have to think good to feel good (which is what I want to
feel), and behavior will just fall into line?

Confused but not had a drink, nor do I want one.
BTW first job hunting in sobriety if this is important.

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